The Medic and the Pea
by femme4jack
Summary: Crack fic. Ratchet is appalled by Carly and Spike's lack of understanding of her own anatomy and decides to give a much needed lesson.


**Title:** The Medic and the Pea  
><strong>Fandom:<strong> G1 (Post season 2, pre TFTM)  
><strong>Rating:<strong> NC-17/M+  
><strong>Characters andPairings:** Ratchet/Carly, refs. Carly/Spike, Ratchet/Wheeljack, Ratchet/Optimus Prime, Ratchet/Prowl, and Ratchet/Carly/Wheeljack  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Ratchet is appalled by Carly and Spike's lack of understanding of her own anatomy and decides to give a much needed lesson.  
><strong>Content Notification:<strong> Crack, Explicit Xeno (tactile penetrative stimulation), refs. PnP intimacy.

**Notes:** Dedicated to Raisedbymoogles & Slutwarp (Boobstreak) on twitter, and the clitoris! Raisedbymoogles linked to a splendid article on the wonders of the internal clitoris (mosex . wordpress . com / 2011 / 11 / 30 / the-internal-clitoris/) and the crack bunnies ensued. Oh, and the internal clitoris giving the vagina a hug comes directly from said article, so credit where credit is due :D.

* * *

><p>Ratchet was sorting the contents of a shipping container of donated human materials when his audio receptors picked up the sounds of the two humans heatedly conversing just beyond the door. Medbay had been, for the moment, blissfully peaceful, without a single one of those slagging snags in his cables laid up due to their constant careless-reckless-immature behavior, and he was not keen on interruption. He monitored the conversation for a short time and realized quickly it concerned organic matters that were not relevant to him. Relegating their words to his tertiary processors and paying them no heed, he went back to making his pristine domain even more orderly.<p>

That was until he heard Spike say, "You know, Carly, it isn't my fault your body's designed the way it is. The way you're complaining, you'd think I was the one who gave you a sex organ the size of a pea that isn't even in the right place. And it isn't like I'm not trying to make you come. You are the one who pushes me away to finish yourself off." Despite himself, Ratchet paused, looking forward to hearing Carly clear up Spike's obvious misconception about her anatomy with her ever-so-sharp wit.

Except, she didn't. "You know what, Spike, if this is your idea of talking about it, then me and my pea-sized clit are taking a break. A LONG one."

Ratchet dropped the coil of wire he was scanning for flaws back in the bin and stomped over to the door, signaling it to slide open. "Both of you. In here. Now." He issued the command in the tone that he wasn't accustomed to having argued with. Even Optimus reported to Medbay without delay when he used it.

The humans looked up at him with the shocked, wide-eyed expression they so aptly called 'deer in the headlights'.

"Why aren't either of you moving?" Ratchet asked in exasperation. "I gave you an order. Get in here."

"I'm sorry if we were being too loud, Ratchet," Carly started.

"NOW!" Ratchet barked, reaching down to pick the human younglings up and physically move them. They both let out a squawk and scrambled through the door before his hands actually reached them.

"That's better," he grumbled as the door closed behind them. "Now up on the berth so you can see the display better," he said slightly more gently, as his background monitoring of their biological functions was showing a clear fear response. Fear in organics, especially long term, was not healthy for their systems, and their lifespans were already so short he considered it a personal insult to his coding.

He was glad he had no such worries about the cybernetic crew members under his care. Stupidity, not fear, was what shortened their functions, and fear of him sometimes was all the stood between them and their demise.

The two scrambled up the ladder onto the berth where the human allies often assisted with repairs. His repair drones had degenerated during the long stasis, and the humans' little hands were slagging useful. But as much as both the mechanic and the engineer were developing an ever growing understanding of Cybertronian systems, he was appalled at how little understanding they had just demonstrated of Carly's own.

"What's this about, Ratch?" Spike asked cautiously, his fight or flight response still in overdrive.

Ratchet was never one to mince words. "Where in the Pit did you get the idea that Carly's clitoris is pea sized?"

Spike let out a squeaking sound, only to be rescued by Carly. "Um, Ratchet, it is pea sized. I can show you the diagram in an anatomy textbook if you'd like."

"I don't need to look in a slagging text book," Ratchet snapped, signaling the largest medical display to render Carly's most recent full system scan. He automatically updated his scans every joor when humans were operating normally on the Ark, or much more frequently when they were potentially being exposed to harmful materials or in other forms of physical danger (which was most of the time). A quick signal, and the three-dimensional holographic display focused in on her reproductive system, particularly the impressively sensitive organ that, unlike its male counterpart, served no other function than physical pleasure.

Highlighting the organ in red, he pointed to it. "THAT is your clitoris, Carly, and it is most certainly NOT pea-sized. How is it possible that you have a PhD in Cybernetic Engineering, and know so little about your own body?"

Carly stood up on the berth, moving closer to the display while Spike continued to gape and blush and do whatever other awkward things he did when he became embarrassed. "Is that me?" she asked, her tone one of utter fascination.

"As of a klik ago, yes," Ratchet said, offering her his hand to bring her even closer to the display. "The pea-sized glans is only the exposed portion of your clitoral shaft, itself only a small portion of the entire structure. All under the surface, and, if I might point out, an impressively complex example of organic engineering." He directed a tiny laser to trace the portions that ringed her vaginal walls, the erectile tissue of the bulbs that lay beneath her labia, and the long wishbone-like legs that extended toward her thighs.

"That's all my clitoris?" She asked, shock clearly radiating through her, which was quickly replaced by outrage. "That isn't anything like the diagram in the anatomy textbooks!"

Ratchet accessed his own downloads of the various medical textbooks he had scanned upon waking from stasis and the years that followed, and gave a static snort of derision. "No, it is not. It appears that human scientists put far more research into anatomical structures that are specific to males than to females of you species. You, Carly, have more erectile tissue beneath the surface than Spike has in his little phallus."

"Hey!" the second human squeaked in protest from the berth.

Carly, Ratchet noted, completely ignored the outburst, staring at the rendering of her reproductive system like someone having epiphany in front of a work of art. He found his engine giving a small rev of pleasure at the sight. Her organic form was a marvelous example of biological engineering, and should be properly appreciated. Granted, she did not have nearly enough redundancies for his tastes, but he marveled at the intricacies of her systems that had evolved through such an fantastic combination of struggle, chance, luck, and mutation rather than the intentional engineering of his own kind. Her reproductive system was a wonder in itself, and he knew for a fact that Wheeljack had modeled several inventions on the complex chemistry of her endocrine system while Perceptor was designing nanites based on her hard working lymphatic system. And far more impressive than these were the intelligence and lateral thought processes her central nervous system was cable of. To think that there had been a time when his species had argued whether organic life forms could even develop sentience!

"Erectile tissue," she murmured, the capillaries near her skin dilating and allowing blood to rush closer to the surface as she said the word. "Can I see what it looks like erect?"

Ratchet regarded her for a moment, considering her request. Despite what some accused him of, he was cognizant of human privacy. Perhaps it would be best to offer her the potential choices.

"I have not actually scanned you while your internal clitoris is erect, Carly. I could extrapolate and run a simulation. But it might be more educational for you if I rendered the scans in real time."

Ratchet's sensors revealed her capillaries dilating even further, and couldn't help but to notice that simply talking about her clitoris had begun the biological process that led to its erectile tissue filling with blood and the release of lubrication within her vagina.

"Um... Spike?" Carly suddenly said, turning her attention to the rather miserable human hugging his knees on the berth, refusing to even look at the display. "I want to discuss this with my physician in private. Do you mind?"

For his part, Spike looked like he couldn't have been more relieved to be dismissed. "Yeah, okay. You still want to go to the drive-in with Bee and me tonight?" he asked as he scrambled down the ladder.

"Sure, Spike," Carly said with a distracted tone. "I'll meet you guys at the south entrance at eight."

Watching Spike make his swift exit, Ratchet found himself baffled. "Why wouldn't you want your sexual partner to stay to learn more about how your organ works?" he asked, trying to sound less irritated about the matter than he felt, for Carly's sake.

"I don't think Spike is ready to watch you give a live demonstration of how my clitoris works, Ratchet," she said with a tremor in her voice. "And I highly doubt he even had a clue what you were offering."

Ratchet's optics focused on her again, her own eyes still glued to the display. Offering? He had intended for her to simply stimulate herself while he rendered the scans and showed her what was taking place. But he supposed there was no harm in him doing the stimulating, and found himself strangely pleased that she wished him to. He certainly did not hesitate to call Optimus, Prowl or other overworking members of the crew to Medbay when his scans showed they had not been overloading frequently enough, and from what he had heard of Spike and Carly's argument, she most definitely felt her orgasms were not as frequent or strong as she would like.

"You are both honorary members of this crew, Carly, and that brings you under my Medical command," he found himself needing to explain, feeling strangely awkward as his spark spun faster in response to her trust. "Part of my function is to make sure those under my care have all the proper downloads and instruction on caring for their primary systems and the means by which they can induce overload to defrag and regulate those systems. While orgasms serve a different function for you than overloads do for us, the stress relief and health benefits are surprisingly similar. Perhaps if you understood your own systems more completely, you could have them with greater frequency and intensity, with or without the assistance of your partner."

Carly suddenly began giggling in his hand, and Ratchet vented with exasperation. "Why Ratchet," she said in a playful tone, hugging the red plating of his lateral digit when she was able to get out her words. "That was the most romantic pick up line a giant alien robot has ever used on me!"

"Mech," Ratchet corrected automatically, slightly baffled by her response, but finding himself responding to her laughter and playfulness with a slight heating of his own systems and the subtle tingle of a building charge rather than the irritation such shenanigans might induce in him coming from another patient. "Here," he said, setting her back on the berth and handing her a control for the display so she could spin and adjust the image and examine if from different angles. "I'm going to get a few supplies," he explained.

"Don't forget lube," she called as he opened the storage locker stocked with supplies he might need in case of a human medical emergency. He gave a distracted grunt in response, but also subspaced a container of plant-derived, carcinogen-free conductive gel that could safely be used for that purpose. His search for supplies was actually an excuse for him to consider how he wished to proceed, and, more importantly, consider the impact a very normal medical procedure and mentoring opportunity was having on his own systems. He genuinely enjoyed Carly's company and assistance, and considered her something between an apprentice and a colleague, admiring her unusually keen (for her species) intelligence and perceptiveness. He had never induced the organic version of an overload before, and found himself excited by the prospect of being the one to stimulate her while monitoring the results. At the very least, it would make for some fascinating data to share with Wheeljack, who was always looking for ways to expand their interfacing systems, something that often benefited Ratchet directly.

He found himself considering future possibilities for PnP connections with their organic friends, allowing a form of pleasure sharing that could strengthen their alliance and allow for mutual health benefits. Certainly there were members of the crew, such as Tracks, Powerglide, or even Bumblebee who might appreciate the results of such an investigation. Jazz would, of course, appreciate the expansion of his repertoire of tools for special operations and having willing partners to practice on.

That analysis settled the matter in his processors. This would not only be personally beneficial for Carly, a member of the crew whose well being was his responsibility, but also had scientific, political, and tactical benefits. And, if the tingling in his circuits was continuing to intensify at the prospect of stimulating and overloading his patient, well, he was not going to apologize for his enjoyment of this aspect of his function. He certainly did not apologize when he pulled Optimus into Medical for 'necessary maintenance'.

Truly, there were not many supplies that would be needed. His hypersensitive digits were flexible and had enough softness and give to stimulate her without doing damage should she desire penetration by one of them. The fine manipulators he could extend from his digits could be sheathed for her comfort with a simple line of code added to their transformation process. He picked up the speculum that had been included in the human medical supplies he had been sent, but discarded it just as quickly. His own hands had far more capability, and were not cold, dead metal. Truly, all that was needed was a soft surface for her lie on, a pillow, and perhaps another cushion with which to better angle her pelvis. He quickly grabbed several thick blankets and pillows from the locker and returned to the berth.

"Take these and make yourself comfortable," he instructed upon his return, dropping the blankets and pillows beside her. "If you lie on your front, with your elbows on the first pillow, and place the others under your pelvis, it will allow you to see the display more easily while I work." He adjusted the position of the display so she would be able to easily observe it from that angle. "And you may wish to remove any extraneous coverings if you want direct stimulation or penetration," he added.

Carly stared at him wide eyed for a moment, bit her lip, and then burst out laughing, pulling off her sweater and unclasping her bra, before divesting herself of her shoes, socks, pants and undergarments as well. "Do you have any idea how sexy it is to be ordered around that way?" she asked between her giggles. "Do you talk to Optimus the same way?"

Ratchet regarded her in turn, unsure whether he was being teased, or if his no-nonsense approach indeed was having a positive effect on her response, which he could easily sense was growing. Finally, he chuckled. "It seems to work just fine for any of the slaggers Primus has seen fit to punish me with."

"Well don't stop," she said, spreading out the blankets and getting into the position he'd instructed her to use, looking up at him and winking. "I'm all ready, Doc."

Faced with sixty six inches of unclothed human, Ratchet did what any self-respecting medic would do. He adjusted the temperature controls of the berth to keep her warm, warmed the electrolysis gel for her comfort, and checked the temperature of the plating on his hands. Then he initiated the subroutine that would put his deep scan of her reproductive system on a constant cycle, rendering it for her on the display.

"You'll notice the changes," he explained, even as he sat on a stool and adjusted the table height so he could work more comfortably. It brought her closer to his vocalizer, and he adjusted his volume accordingly, noting that the resonance of his voice, speaking closer to her ear seemed to have a desirable effect on her, as did the warm air coming from his vents.

"Oh!" she said, looking at rendering of her growing internal erection.

"Spread your legs a bit more, and watch," he instructed, liberally covering his smallest digit with the gel. It would be quite a bit thicker than Spike's erect penis, but within the realm of human norms, and he had already calculated that it would not damage her. "Please," he added as an afterthought when she sniggered again at his tone. He carefully spread her outer labia with two of his extenders, and adjusted the rendering to show her outer structures as well in a different color so she could see what he was doing. He then probed gently against her inner labia with his lubricated digit, so that the tip was barely between the increasingly engorged lips. The muscles immediately contracted around him and she made a pleasant, surprised sound at his touch. "You see the two bulb-like structures beneath you labia major?" he asked, using his laser to point them out. "Those bulbs are erectile tissue. They make your opening tighter but also push your vulva outward, giving better access." He pushed in his digit slightly to demonstrate, enjoying the rhythmic squeeze and heat of her opening against some of his most highly tuned sensors.

"So, when the lips become engorged, it is actually part of my clitoris doing that, by having an erection," Carly agreed breathlessly, deliberately flexing against his digit with her pelvic muscles.

"Exactly," Ratchet agreed, his other digits stroking her back and buttocks in approval. "Now look at the ring of tissue surrounding your vagina," he again pointed out the appropriate structures, while sending several of his extenders to caress her secondary erogenous zones to encourage the erectile response. "See how engorged it is becoming, wrapping your vagina, making the walls more rigid?"

"Oh my God," she agreed, her heart rate jumping. "Like it's giving my vag a big hug!"

"Yes," Ratchet all but purred into her ear, pushing his digit in a little further, then sending out an extender to push against the roof of her vagina from within where the internal clitoris was the most easily stimulated. Carly gasped, watching the rendering that showed the nerves of internal clitoris firing in response.

"So my G-spot is..." she gasped again as he pushed against it with a bit more pressure, while moving his digit in a circular pattern to further stimulate the rest of the ring that surrounded her internal shaft.

"Yes, part of your clitoris, and the more engorged it is, the better this feels," he said, thoroughly enjoying her physiological response to his stimulation. "Now squeeze your pelvic muscles in a rhythmic way, see how that makes the nerves fire?"

"Oh god yes, Kegels feel way better like this," she agreed. "What are those other things? The part that looks like a wish bone?"

"Well, since your scientists have not even bothered to study the structure, I don't know what they'd name it, but those two legs connect directly with the shaft of your glans and the part that is hugging your vagina, as well as the bulbs underneath your labia. See how the legs, when erect, point almost straight back toward you spine?" He highlighted their position prior to her internal clitoris becoming engorged, and then showed the wishbone like structure rising in erection within her. "Now, I imagine that they could stimulate the nerves in the rest of your clitoris from the vibrations transmitted by pressure against your pubic bone. Let's see," he used his digits to exert pressure above her bud-like external glans, pushing against the bone and adding a bit of vibration to add to the effect. The schematic went wild with the firing of her nerves. "Oh yes, very nice, Carly," he stroked her back again, pushing his digit in a little deeper.

Carly rested her forehead against her arm for a moment, closing her eyes and pushing against his digit, taking it further in.

"So," Ratchet said into her ear, stilling his digit and all of the stroking. "Your clitoris is much more complex than a little pea," one of his extenders flicked against the glans. "Though that pea is a marvel in itself, with more nerve endings than any other biological structure," he added, flicking against it again, "and there are many ways to stimulate the entire structure, and not just the visible part."

Carly turned her head to look into his optics, which he could admit were locked on her with more than their usual intensity. "Ratchet," she said, "can you shut up and start stimulating?"

Ratchet gave a bark of laughter before removing his digit from inside her and re-coating it, along with the remaining digits on his left hand with the gel. Then, giving in to the temptation, he lifted her, blankets, pillows, and all onto his other hand, shifting her to her back and cradling her close to his spark, freeing her hands to stroke the hand underneath her. Once again, he began to push his smallest digit inside of her, first moving it in little circles to stimulate the erectile tissue beneath her entrance, and then further in, while his other digits and extenders focused on external stimulation. He routed the slightest electrical stimulation to his lubricated digits, the charge transmitting through the conductive gel. As a final touch, he transformed the shape of the digit inside her, thickening it into a knob at just the right point to push against the erectile tissue hugging her vaginal walls, and adding a vibration to the knob. The effect was immediate, and soon he had a human writhing in his hand, moaning, thrusting against him. With another chuckle, he placed his mouth over her breasts and added a bit of tingling stimulation to her nipples through his glossa, cataloging the chemical composition of her the sweat that was beading on her skin.

The sound of her crying out his designation as she reached her climax was all the reward he needed, his function coding practically leaping in response to having given her such a sweet release. He took his time, keeping his digit inside her while her gasping respirations settled and the engorged tissues of her clitoris slowly returned to their non-erect state. His own charge was still running high, but he could take care of that later.

"That was amazing," Carly murmured, beaming at him, making his spark spin faster than he honestly cared to acknowledge.

"You do have a splendidly engineered body when it comes to creating tactile pleasure, Carly," Ratchet responded warmly, reluctantly pulling his tingling digit from inside the hug of her body. He was even more reluctant to put her back on the berth, instead wanting to keep her cradled in his hand where her fingers could continue their feather-light stimulation of his plating. Would it be appropriate, he wondered, to teach her how to bring him to overload through the sensors of his hands?

Before he could consider that further, one of the few mechs permitted to do so was overriding the Medbay lock. Wheeljack entered, his vocal indicators flashing merrily at the sight. "Oh, Primus, am I interrupting an examination? What a lovely rendering of your internal clitoris, Carly. Did you just have an orgasm? Can I try, too?"

Carly's eyes sprung open from her half-sleeping state and she sat up, the capillaries close to her skin dilating once again. She looked at Wheeljack, then back up at Ratchet, then back at her fellow engineer again.

"Um, sure?" she finally said breathlessly, "if you want to."

Ratchet looked down at the organic in his hand, then back over at his partner, considering the possibilities for relieving his own charge at the same time. With shrug-like flick of his armor, he signaled the door to lock once again. "You certainly need more orgasms than you have been having, Carly, in my professional opinion."


End file.
